I am mad…

Not sure if I will actually post this….but I wanted to write this down somewhere.

I am mad.  I am mad at myself.  I am mad at ***.

I can no longer say that I am young (haha).  But naive, yes, I am way too trusting and believing in the people.

I never imaged that I would spend 3 years as a temporary working hard to build a new website for ***; only to be let go a month after the site is live.  My last day at work is March 27th.

When I was hired (*** recruited me), I was told that there was no permanent position for me at that time.  New positions were asked for that year and approved/filled, but not one for me.

I was told that a position for me would still be addressed.  However, I was shuffled around to different supervisors.  My last 3 supervisors did not have the time to meet with me on any routine basis.

I worked hard.  I was faced with many obstacles.  The overseeing department had development issues.  The IT sections of the department had issues.  But in the end, we worked together to get the site live.  The site looks fantastic and has received rave reviews.

I work well with all of the *** staff…many who have since my release offered to write me letters of recommendations.

I worked for *** for 8 years before I left *** to stay home and take care of my family full-time.

Why did I come back to ***? 

1.  They asked me.  And it sounded like a great opportunity.

2.  Times were/are difficult.  My husband works in the automotive industry.  His income has taken huge his the past few years.  He is currently earing 60% of what he eaned in 2002.  In addition, we pay $150/week through his work for medical insurance for our family.

I earned $x/hour with no benefits (no sick, no holidays, no vacation) for the past 3 years.  This money did enable our family to be able to afford this medical coverage.  We don’t live in a McMansion.  We don’t dirve fancy cars.  We don’t buy designer clothes.  We don’t own the latest computer gadgets.  In addition to church activities, our children were only involved in 2 after-school activiies – piano lessons and gymnastics.

This past summer, there was a permanent job in this department doing what I have been doing for the whole department vs. just this division that was perfect for me.  I totally qualified for it.  I applied for it; I hand delivered the application.  When the applications passed the screening, the manager of the job called and asked me where my application was.  It was missing.  They were nice enough to repost the job;  I applied.  Once again, the manager did not receive my application.  But it did not matter; all vacant jobs were not frozen unless it was a vital emergency position.  But I dug into the issue….I was put into the system for a different job.  And apparently, I “qualified” for those jobs; I read the job description and there is no way in heckola that I truly qualified.  Apparently, I put the job title; not the job number on my application.  However, I did staple a copy of the job posting each time to the top of my application.  The HR person was lazy; there was another job posted with the same title so she stuck my name in that position.  Twice.  But at this point, it didn’t freakin matter.

What did I do wrong?  What have I learned?

  1. I was not persisent enough.
  2. I did not speak out loud enough.
  3. I deep-down believed that *** would take care of me.
  4. I did not complain to the “right” people when my job application was mis-handled.
  5. I smiled too much and said that everything was okay.
  6. I should have insisted on my supervisors speaking with me at least once a week.
  7. I should have asked for a raise instead of being mindful of the difficult financial times that were on the rise.
  8. I should have asked to be paid for holidays.  They had the power to approve this.  Instead I was thinking of their money and not myself.

So now what?

Thankfully, we have enough money saved to cover major expenses for a few months. 

It is hard to believe right at this moment…but they say that when one door closes, another one opens.

I have faith.

But for right now, I just need to get through the emotions.  The anger, the sadness, the scaredness.

And we already had a trip planned to go to Florida for spring break.  And that I am most looking forward to.

 If you made it this far…thanks for listening.

p.s.  Dad, I will call you and talk to you about this when I feel like I can not cry.  Love you.


10 thoughts on “I am mad…

  1. Oh Michelle I am soo sorry!!!! I can really feel for you as we are going through the same thing right now. After years of hard work Ian was laid off, company went bankrut..no severance pay, not even his last pay check and 4 weeks of holiday pay..nothing.
    It makes me sick to my stomach.
    Know that I am thinking of you often and sure wish that I could give you a great big hug right now!!!!
    Love you and miss you.

  2. oh no Michelle, i am so so so sorry to have to read this girl. i am in tears myself. gosh, so sorry you were given the run around & that the application ordeal didn’t go through properly!! sending you hugs & prayers your way!!! thinking of you!!! i will call you!!!!

  3. Oh, Michelle–I am so sorry to hear this. **** sucks and they are stupid. But you’re right–an even better opportunity is going to come along for you!

  4. You have every right to be angry! Somethings in life are not fair and we may never know why things turn out the way they do. Thankfully you are Ok for awhile, financially anyway. I will keep you in my prayers and don’t beat yourself up. I know I always have to learn my lessons the hard way, although frankly I am getting a little tired of it.

  5. Sorry to hear about this, Michelle. I do hope and think you’ll have a better opportunity. Sounds like they took advantage of you.. and believe me…I’m the exact same way, too nice to say anything! You did a wonderful job, be proud of what you accomplished and the plus is that you’ll have a lot to add to your resume! =)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s